A word about my current co-workers: When is the last time you went to a restaurant with people who pronounced the dressing "Eye-talian"?

Howdy,
What might you suggest for teens who commit the following crime--stealing Bush signs (8 to be exact) from a nearby neighborhood? Although most Democrats in their heart of hearts would like to do this, it is not a wise choice. Any ideas?
Teresa Heinz

P.S. These teens were not even smart enough to hide the signs from their parents. They left them in the back of the car with a blanket not too artfully draped over them.

Dear Teresa,

I think a better question would be this: What would you do if you accidentally wrote to your child's teacher, responding to an e-mail from the teacher about discipline issues with the child, saying "That boy is not right in the fucking head." What would you do then?

I think that during the conference, you could leave that parent in the back of the car with a blanet not too artfully draped over him.

Cortnee

Dear curt,

What do you advise oh sage one, when you are on a ladies' retreat and you find yourself frolicing in the ocean at midnight, and when you gaze toward shore you note the untimely presence of a young officer with a very large flashlight shining at you?

Sincerely,
Monique and Reba

Dear M & R,

Sheesh. Grab a towel?

But let's talk about me for a change. I have a few thoughts to share.

1. I think, contrary to what they're always saying, that there is indeed such a thing as a stupid question.

2. What's up with this Cosmetic Neurology trend? Isn't that a good phrase, and an even better idea? Drugs and surgery to "enhance movement, mentation, and mood". What could be wrong with that? I don't even know the word Mentation. It's sort of like brain liposuction, or maybe more like boob job for the mind. Cortnee is all for this. In fact, I'd like to hand out prescriptions myself (see #1 above).

3. Has anyone actually watched that show, "Wife Swap"? It isn't what you think. I wanna watch it but it isn't until 10:00 which is way too late for Courtney. Please write if you've seen it. And, if you're a wife looking for a trip abroad, please note: "Wife Swap needs you! We are looking for wives to take part in our new shows. If you fancy a trip abroad, Wife Swap International is for you. We are also looking for wives for our next series of Wife Swap UK. Contact us below now!" I wonder if they'd consider ex-wife swap. That could be a good show all on it's own, in fact. DON'T steal that idea. Anyway, write if you watch the show.

4. You might wonder why I haven't been writing lately. Well, I've been studying other blogs. I started out looking for the undecided voter, because I think they should friggin decide already. Get over it. There isn't much choice, what more could anyone possibly need to know. So I went looking for someone from Indiana or something, someone who would represent the undecided in the heartland. Grim. That's all I'm saying. But I got strangely interested in the blog of a loser boy who wrote about his life as a single parent working at Walmart in Indiana until it was suddenly yanked. So that's where I've been. Now, I have no idea if he ended up dating the girl who got burned from the nacho cheese at Walmart, or if he slept with the woman he described thus: "she wasn't very good looking, or smart, or funny, or interesting, but still, she had that special something that drew me to her."

Anyway, that's what I've been up to.