Cort-nee in the Witness Protection Program 

How sad and strange.  Courtnee disappeared for a week. Sheesh. I hate it when that happens. Maybe later I'll tell you what it was like where I was. (Witness protection program)

Hopefully my two readers, haven't given up on the blog aftera week of that wierd red site that made even less sense than courtney usually does. This black screen, well, I probably won't keep it for long. But jesus effin christ, if the flags can be half mast for 2 years or whatever it was after RR died, I think a few days of black after the blog dies is fair.

Courtney is feeling a bit sorry that she hasn't done more to get Bush out of Washington.  So far, all I've done is sport the John Kerry hairdo (the bad 70's one).  Strange, no one seems to notice it, and I'm not at all sure that it's enticing new voters.  John K. did call and invite me to a hotel but I didn't go.  That's Not the Kind of Girl I Am.   Besides, I think he wanted $700.  Who should be paying who, anyways?  At least, for example, I know I have a Very Bad Haircut.

I'm still wondering what, exactly, N'3lvra can do from here about all of this terrible mess in the Other Washington. 

Okay, here's what's pissing me off.  Those "U-scan" lines  at the grocery store.  They used to be fast, no waiting.  Now, everyone's using them, including people who can't read, people who can't follow instructions, and most especially, people who don't seem to get it when that annoying voice says, "please put the item in the bag."  They look around as if this is the most confusing instruction that they've ever heard.  I'm Completely not for this. 

Couldn't there be a little pre-test, at least?  Definitely don't do the UScan in Monroe unless you're writing an article on it or something and getting paid by the hour. 
  
  


 

Hi girl,

need help. crazy relatives. possible fraternal abuse coming soon. elder deterioration evident. advise please.

a traveler


Dear Traveler,

It sounds like someone is reading over your shoulder with a knife in their hand. Make them go away. Then write back.

Yours,
Courtney

dear courrrtnee,

Here's my list for the chore potluck.

1. figure out why it's leaking under the bathtub into the kitchen ceiling.

2. clear my house of all junk

3. convince a young boy that the mohawk I gave him in jest really needs to be taken down to a brush cut

4. get rid of beehives in the windows

5. major amounts of weeding

I'll cook you dinner (minimum 3-4 times) if you'll please get rid of the bees. Tonight will be tomato, basil and mottzarella cheese sandwiches, grilled if you prefer.

Signed,
Buzz

ps--i think the reason that the flags are still at half mast is because, like old ronnie, most people have forgotten why they lowered them in the first place.

Dear Buzz,

I'll do the bees. Courtney, believe it or not, has a bee suit. And a bigass truck. With which I will take all that extra crap from your house to the dump. (I'll send you my list of chores privately. Some just aren't fitting for this family advice column.)

P.S. I think you are totally onto something with the flags. In fact, one of my friends actually asked me today why they're at half mast. Senile much? I think he thought it was something new going on.

P.P.S. Let that poor boy keep the mohawk for crissakes.